Unhinged, A Dating Series: Is Life Being “Easier” a Reason to Stay Single?
Recently, a male friend of mine stated that he’s good at being single, likes it, even. It was surprising to hear since he’s currently in a committed relationship. He hadn’t said it to be dismissive of his girlfriend though, he was simply stating a fact, a core belief.“I’m really happy when on my own, so if I’m unhappy in a relationship, or if it’s too hard, then I’d rather be alone,” Trent (not his real name) said as we chatted one evening. His point was that, at 37, he had created a good life for himself, one that he’d only give up if it brought him even more joy.This past weekend while sipping cheap cocktails at Club Marina, my girl friends and I had a similar convo. Sarah (not her real name) shared that she isn’t really sure what she wants in a relationship because she enjoys her life and compromising any part of it isn’t something she’s ready to do for someone. She’ll tell you she wants companionship though, it just has to allow her the freedom to keep her life as is.Back in April, I wrote about “wanting it all” when it came to love, arguing that if I can’t, I’d rather remain single. “Finding just anyone to be with has never been appealing to me,” I wrote. “I don’t want companionship for companionship’s sake. I want someone who truly challenges me and complements my life. Because if I’m not going to have the kind of romance that makes my heart jump when I see them in 30 years, then I don’t want it.” As I thought about these conversations and my own values, I realized that their connective tissue relied on the fact that being single was easier (or even better) than being in a relationship if the latter meant having to give up or ignore fundamental pieces of yourself. On its head, I get it. It takes less work to stick to the life you already have. It’s less effort to only worry about yourself. But this way of thinking is missing the opportunity that relationships give us for growth. To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you can’t grow or learn about yourself without being in a committed relationship or that being in one is in any way superior to not being in one. But, for those who want romantic partnership, having that type of thinking—“If it’s going to be hard, if I have to change, I’m better off single”—could be a barrier to not only finding love, but changing our own blind spots or any trauma-induced habits.Sometimes, self-awareness can only really come when someone you’re intimately close with holds up a mirror to you. Understanding ourselves better is beneficial to our mental health and overall wellbeing—but it takes practice, the kind you get from being with someone. And yes, your life will change when dating someone, but that’s part of the beauty of learning to love another person. Living in a healthy partnership can open life up in big, new, and exciting ways and the right person can make falling in love the easiest thing in the world.If you’re stuck feeling like the benefits of being single outweigh having a partner, yet you’re still hoping to find love, here are some ways that being in a relationship can actually enhance the life you already have. Dating Helps Us Understand Ourselves BetterSure, if you don’t date, you might be happier since you don’t have to adjust your life to fit someone else’s. Or, if you’re in a relationship and you’re arguing early on as you get to know each other, you may think that it’s easier to just be alone. Relationships often bring to the surface difficult things within ourselves that can feel easier to ignore. Relationships challenge us to grow, and that’s not a bad thing. The dynamics of dating someone naturally means that you’re going to have to reflect on how you treat your partner and what expectations you have of them. No one wants to hear what they’re doing wrong as a girlfriend or boyfriend, how their past has brought on unhelpful or unhealthy traits, or that they haven’t mastered good communication. But this is where we learn. This is the power of the mirror. This is how we stop repeating harmful behaviors and toxic cycles and finally move on from the lessons that continue to come up in our lives.Dating Allows Us to Broaden Our WorldviewsI’ve never dated a man with exactly the same values, morals, or views on life that I’ve had. Even the ones who’ve most aligned with me are still not perfect matches. What’s so great about dating is that your partner is going to have their own unique life experiences which dictate their view on everything. If you know any journalists, you’ll know that many of us tend to be a little skeptical by nature. This is great for what we do as a career, but not necessarily the most positive thing in relationships. Currently, I’m learning to recognize the good instead of quickly seeing the bad in various scenarios thanks to conversations with my partner who is possibly the most happy-go-lucky person I know.If you’re open (and willing to learn), you can broaden your understanding of the world just by being with someone who challenges you to think differently.Dating Helps Us Work on Communication Have you ever argued with a new partner and realized your communication style may lead to even more disagreements versus resolutions? Learning how to effectively communicate with another human may be one of the most challenging parts about being intimately involved with another person.I’ve mentioned it before, I struggle with shutting down during conflict which can be hurtful for my partners. I’ve also learned that for me, asking for a minute to process is important to me. Having that little bit of space from the situation usually allows me to see more clearly. But I wouldn’t know all this, not to this level at least, if I hadn’t dated in my past.Having to learn how to express your needs well and navigate disagreements might be one of the most useful parts of being in a relationship. These are the kinds of life tools that benefit you in work, in friendships, and in family dynamics, and ones that you can take with you in every season of life.Dating Brings to Light Our Attachment StylesYou’ve likely heard the term “attachment styles” tossed around in the dating world. But if you’re not familiar with them, it’s a way to describe how we expect others to relate in close relationships. They’re often based on childhood experiences and your relationship with your primary caregiver(s).The four attachment styles are: secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized. You can read more about each here. Ideally, the healthiest relationships are rooted in a secure attachment—though this is often not the case. When you date, you start to learn which style you may struggle with and can take steps to work toward a more secure one. It’s hard work and takes practice but in the end will make you a stronger, more emotionally available person.If you’re new to Unhinged, catch up on all the dating chats you’ve missed here and follow along at @monicles and @sandiegomag on Instagram to know when a new article drops each week.[sdm-newsletter-placement]The post Unhinged, A Dating Series: Is Life Being “Easier” a Reason to Stay Single? appeared first on San Diego Magazine.
The Jacobs Music Center Reopens Following $125M Redesign
Take one look at the Jacobs Music Center and you can tell it’s teeming with history. Originally built in 1929 as the Fox Theatre, the venue still maintains its grandiose Rococo design and ornate interior finishes. After its conversion from a movie theater to a concert hall, this stage has seen countless ballets, operas, and musical performances through the years—from Yo-Yo Ma to Morrissey. When the symphony towers were added to the structure in 1989, it became the second-tallest building in San Diego County. But it’s time for new history to be made. “The building is amazing,” says Craig Hall, the symphony’s vice president of communications. “But it was built for a different purpose, which has always posed significant challenges with the sound.” Photo Credit: Richard BarnesThe latest rebuild started in 2020 and finally has come to completion following a $125 million overhaul. Hall explains that enhancing the acoustics was the primary goal. “People need to hear the high quality sound so the energy and emotion of the performer is transmitted to the listener.” But that’s not the only thing that’s changed: The renovations include reconfigured seating, theatrical lighting to properly show architectural details, and the addition of a choral terrace behind the orchestra—where audience members can sit when it’s not in use for a performance. “It’s a seamless blending of the old and the new,” says Hall. “The history of the space is intact, but the stage looks entirely modern.” “There was so much to preserve,” agrees San Diego Symphony President and CEO Martha Gilmer. “But it was aching for improvement.” Gilmer explains that while upgrading the acoustics was the top priority, the changes to the main floor seating are her favorite development. Photo Credit: Richard BarnesEight rows were removed, bringing the total number of seats down from 2,248 to 1,831, all of which are now angled to properly view the stage—unlike the former straight rows leftover from the building’s movie theater era. “It’s more intimate than it was before,” says Gilmer. There is a sense that the audience is listening together as a community, rather than individuals. “That feeling of connectedness, between the music and musicians and the audience, I think that’s the most important part.”The Jacobs Music Center will reopen to the public September 28, and to mark the occasion, the San Diego Symphony commissioned award-winning composer Texu Kim to write the first piece to be publicly performed in the new concert hall. The last time Kim had a composition of his performed in the Jacobs Music Center was February 2020—the second-to-last concert before it closed. Now that he has seen the renovated space, he couldn’t be more excited about the reopening. He lauds the improved quality of the acoustics. “It captures the details in the sound and delivers the power vividly,” he describes. View this post on Instagram A post shared by San Diego Symphony (@sandiegosymphony)Visually, it also appeals. He says the concert hall’s golden hue “gives it a luxurious and elegant vibe,” and that somehow the room feels simultaneously cozy and spacious. “Don’t ask me how they created this magic.” His composition for the opening night is titled Welcome Home!! and is scored for brass and percussion. It incorporates multiple genres that the Korean-born composer associates with the word home: K-pop, Korean folk music, and funk, as well as traditional Kumeyaay sound and patterns. “A lot of people can find something that they consider ‘home’ in this piece,” he says.“It’s written for an auspicious and exciting occasion, so it’s very celebratory,” says Kim when asked what he hopes the audience will take away from the performance. “The primary feeling I would love to portray is sheer excitement and fun.” He says he wants the music to inspire the attendees to dance. “I know that’s not the classical music thing, but why not? Classical music is supposed to express the depth of life, including the joy.” He laughs and adds, “I will be dancing, if no one else does.”The Jacobs Music Center reopens September 28. Check out their full schedule of events here.The post The Jacobs Music Center Reopens Following $125M Redesign appeared first on San Diego Magazine.
The Best Things to Do in San Diego This Month: Oct. 2024
Fall is almost here. Break out your Uggs; get yourself a sugary, pumpkin-flavored coffee drink; and plan your trip to Julian for one of the mountain town’s famous apple pies. September also means that the kids are back in school, so mark your calendars, hire a babysitter, and check out these fun things to do this month in San Diego.Food & Drink | Concerts & Festivals | Theater & Art | More Fun Things to DoPhoto Credit: Jorge AguilarFood & Drink Events in San Diego This MonthDel Mar Food + Wine Festival October 2-7 The Del Mar Wine + Food Festival is back for its second year! San Diego’s stars of sport and cuisine will host culinary adventures throughout the country, culminating in a two-day Grand Tasting at Surf Sports Park.Taste of Oceanside October 4-5 Hitch a ride on the Taste Trolley to sample sups and bites from North County restaurants, breweries, and wineries as part of Taste of Oceanside, a popular culinary event celebrating its 10th anniversaryLa Mesa Oktoberfest October 4-6 Strap on your lederhosen and break out your beer steins for La Mesa Oktoberfest—three days of Deutschland-inspired days packed with polka, biergartens, and competitive games.Courtesy of Live NationConcerts & Festivals in San Diego This MonthSan Diego Tijuana International Jazz Festival at CCA, EscondidoOctober 4-6The San Diego Tijuana International Jazz Festival is an exhilarating cross-border convergence of local jazz artists. Serval events honor self-professed jazz inventor Jelly Roll Morton.San Diego International Film FestivalOctober 16-20Silver screen stars will descend for the San Diego International Film Festival, five days of premieres, parties, screenings, and red-carpet events.Charli XCX & Troye Sivan at Viejas ArenaOctober 18Brat summer will roll into fall as Charli XCX & Troye Sivan bump club classics and pop anthems at Viejas Arena at San Diego State University.Courtesy of Athenaeum Music & Arts LibraryTheater & Art Exhibits in San Diego This MonthART+LGBT History Month Exhibition at The Studio Door October 10/3-11/2Hillcrest’s The Studio Door will collaborate with Lambda Archives of San Diego to present work by LGBTQ artists for the second annual ART+LGBT History Month exhibition.Sweeney Todd at the Coronado PlayhouseOctober 10/11-11/3 As adept with a straight razor as he is with a song, Fleet Street’s goriest killer plots his revenge in the Coronado Playhouse‘s production of Sweeney Todd.The Splinter in the Eye Exhibit at The AthenaeumOctober 10/19-1/11 Colombian artist Carlo Castro Arias explores memory and trauma in his new exhibition, titled The Splinter in the Eye at The Athenaeum in La Jolla.Courtesy of Olive Public RelationsMore Fun Things to Do in San Diego This MonthLos Angeles Clippers vs Brooklyn Nets Preseason Game at Frontwave ArenaOctober 8The Los Angeles Clippers will return to their San Diego roots for a preseason matchup against the Brooklyn Nets at Frontwave Arena. O-side’s sparkling new home for the Clippers’ G-League squad.Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse at Balboa TheatreOctober 22-24A live DJ, orchestra, and band will bring extra Spidey senses to the Balboa Theatre‘s screening of Spider-Man: Across the Spider Verse.Trick-or-Treat on India Street October 27 Little Italy’s Trick-or-Treat on India Street beckons costumed visitors to jam to the “Monster Mash,” stroll the block for sweets, and party like its Halloween night.The post The Best Things to Do in San Diego This Month: Oct. 2024 appeared first on San Diego Magazine.
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